Fiddling With Fidelity

By Mardi Kaye on May 8, 2014

We hear about cheaters on the news every day. The famous ones are known far and wide, for what they did and who they did it with. Wayne Carey, Shane Warne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, and Bill Clinton are just a few famous men in the “Cheaters Hall of Shame”. They’re certainly are not the only men or women on the planet to stray. Every day, men and women cheat — physically, emotionally, or through technology. Here’s what you need to know about Fiddling with Fidelity.

People in So-Called Happy Marriages Will Cheat.

A study by Helen Fisher, PhD, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and the author of Why Him? Why Her? found that 56 percent of men and 34 percent of women who had affairs claimed to be happy or very happy in their marriages.

Women Are More Likely to Stray for Emotional Reasons.

Like many other inherent differences between the sexes, men and women often cite disparate motivations for infidelity. Men are more likely to cite sexual motivations and less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lovers and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness or because they are looking to fill an emotional void.

Infidelity Is Not the Leading Cause of Divorce

While cheating can destroy a marriage, the main reason married couples cite for splitting up, according to Divorce Magazine, is that they are just downright incompatible and find it impossible to communicate.

If You Suspect Your Partner Is Cheating, Discuss It

Even if you don’t have hard evidence, you have the right to bring up your fears and suspicions with your mate. Instead of playing amateur detective, save yourself the stress and anxiety of spying on your partner and be forthright — you deserve honest answers. Trust and communication are the foundations of a good relationship, and your concerns need to be addressed — whether or not your partner is actually unfaithful. Your gut instinct is usually right, though, so you need to find out what is going on.

There’s No One Demographic Profile of a Cheater

The statistics about cheating, while varied depending on the source, are still alarming. Some studies put the percentage of husbands who will eventually cheat at close to 50 percent. While cheating affects both the young and old, the affluent and the financially struggling, there are certain groups who will be more likely to cheat, according to a National Marriage Project study; high-school dropouts and couples in which one partner is largely dependent on the other’s income are more apt to stray.

There Are Certain Red Flags That Often Signify Your Partner May Be Cheating

When your couch-potato partner who spends the bulk of his time in track suit pants suddenly hires a personal trainer and starts buying swish new clothes the sirens should sound. Also, be wary of sudden shifts in your partner’s behaviour, either positive or negative. If your mate suddenly becomes super picky, he/she may be trying to set you up OR when partners become unnecessarily generous, especially with gifts, often the guilt thermometer is running a fever.

The Propensity to Cheat May Be Genetically Predetermined

Does your partner love any of the the below?

A study conducted by Binghamton University linked a specific genetic variation with infidelity — the same genetic variation, apparently, which has also been linked with alcohol consumption, gambling, a love of horror films, and openness to new social situations.

There Is No Specific Timetable or Way to Recover From Infidelity

Restoration of trust should be high priority for couples when someone has cheated. Couples therapy can be really helpful for clarifying concerns and working on communications you move towards recovering and rebuilding the relationship. While betrayed partners ultimately decide when they feel they have recovered, it’s important for the affair not to dominate the relationship. I suggest establishing the 15-minute rule, in which the betrayed partner is allowed to talk about the affair for 15 minutes every day for as many days as needed.